I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
