Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
