so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
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I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
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I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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