I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
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