Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
