I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
