I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
