u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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