she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
We left the knife in your bed.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
