Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Randomize
