i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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