i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
