He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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