Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
