I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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