help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
there is glitter all over my balls
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