I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
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