Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
