I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
