All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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