Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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