If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Randomize