I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
