My nipple is on Facebook.
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
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