Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
