I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
