she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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