the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I believe in your delicious
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
