You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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