After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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