So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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