you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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