My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize