Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
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