Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm