I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review