Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
