Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
