Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(302): View more from Delaware

is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?

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(260): View more from Indiana

spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.

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(254): View more from Texas

Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?

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(765): View more from Indiana

I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"

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(647): View more from Ontario

A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".

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(804): View more from Virginia

Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.

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(503): View more from Oregon

I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!

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