The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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