I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
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I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
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After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
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