I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
