Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
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A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
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Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
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