My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
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