Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
operation harelip BJ is a go
you will always have a special place in my vag
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
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