goodnight i made you a song goodbye
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
