i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
