i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
