I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
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I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
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You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.