Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
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my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
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I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.