Texts From Last Night

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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?

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  (612): You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized? http://tfl.nu/64yi
  Replies (9) Good night (2634) Bad night (665)
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  (407): View more from Florida

  It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.

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  (407): It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest. http://tfl.nu/ndz5
  Replies (52) Good night (16277) Bad night (1170)
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  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"

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  (414): She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this" http://tfl.nu/yuhf
  Replies (30) Good night (637) Bad night (7795)
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  (208): View more from Idaho

  U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"

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  (208): U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!" http://tfl.nu/ttkj
  Replies (99) Good night (26873) Bad night (1525)
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?

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  (612): how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight? http://tfl.nu/54td
  Replies (13) Good night (3824) Bad night (1050)
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  (407): View more from Florida

  it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.

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  (407): it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone. http://tfl.nu/u2hu
  Replies (17) Good night (1479) Bad night (4378)
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  (813): View more from Florida

  Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.

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  (813): Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper. http://tfl.nu/ip7t
  Replies (13) Good night (4626) Bad night (856)
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.

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  (724): His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off. http://tfl.nu/q67j
  Replies (8) Good night (4035) Bad night (1115)
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  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn

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  (413): Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn http://tfl.nu/brfq
  Replies (8) Good night (716) Bad night (2264)
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.

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  (541): Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk. http://tfl.nu/effc
  Replies (6) Good night (1068) Bad night (622)
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.

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  (207): It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast. http://tfl.nu/cal2
  Replies (8) Good night (992) Bad night (479)
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  (616): View more from Michigan

  life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee

  (1-616): View more from Michigan

  i will live by this rule

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  (616): life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee (1-616): i will live by this rule http://tfl.nu/j6ih
  Replies (6) Good night (833) Bad night (374)
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  (347): View more from New York

  My day in three words: secret purse cake

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  (347): My day in three words: secret purse cake http://tfl.nu/hy52
  Replies (4) Good night (705) Bad night (318)
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  (319): View more from Iowa

  One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"

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  (319): One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat" http://tfl.nu/szqu
  Replies (2) Good night (432) Bad night (208)
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  (606): View more from Kentucky

  I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!

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  (606): I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about! http://tfl.nu/4ra3
  Replies (2) Good night (358) Bad night (185)

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