I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Randomize