dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
