I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
