Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
