your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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