Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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