we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
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