i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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