Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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