can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
