forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
